would you care for some fruitcake with your mold?

once upon a time, when ol’ monkeytron was merely a wee lass, there was a holiday “party” held at her middle school. you know, the sort of event where all the kids sit at their desks, place some sort of food on their festively decorated napkins...and play hangman. or 7up. or they toss around a koosh ball. ahh koosh, how i miss your utterly squiggly neon strands. but i digress.

monkeytron’s teacher informed the little kiddies that she’d brought in a special treat for all to enjoy. and it was the quintessential holiday festive food. thats right folks, teach hauled a whopping brick of fruitcake to school. imagine our elation when we, innocent creatures that we were, first set eyes on the massive hunk of dough and multicolored fruit chunks. why, we couldnt wait to bite off a piece of that ol’ holiday goodness. however, the euphoria died down as the wee ones examined the slices of “cake” that had been dolled out. upon inspection, it became apparent that the fruitcake was indeed covered with mold.

yeah you heard me. teach gave us lads & lasses individually-sized slabs of mold-enveloped fruitcake. woohoo. the children wisely decided to speak up, voicing their concerns over the overly penicillin-rich cake. when confronted, the wise, astute teacher replied with the following statement: “fruitcake is supposed to be moldy”.

not so wisely, us kiddos decided to heed the words of our beloved professor. reluctantly sampling the green-tinted slices that rested on our holiday napkins, we seemed to be immediately, and collectively, struck by the poor taste. in fact, it was downright nauseating...but i will spare you further details on the subject. i will simply say that the rest of the day was spent making periodical trips to the drinking fountain. in fact, so many of the little children felt the need to continuously wash out their mouths that ol’ teach had to make a sign-up sheet for fountain visits, so as to not obstruct the hallway.

in summation, i will leave you with these wise, yoda-esque words that all would be well advised to regard:

teachers you should never trust when moldy is the fruitcake.

happy holidays folks.