Son Willy's Circus of Wonder

Idol Concert Review

2009-08-20T16:03:00.000-06:00

I am writing a recap of the concert, because I have decided that my thoughts are important.

You see, I work for a regional advertising company as an analyst. I analyze things. and advertise them. It's wonderful, but highly difficult work. Not just anyone can do it. Like you, sitting there, reading this right now...you couldn't do it. People would laugh if you even tried. My writing this is proof that I have what it takes.

My great hope is not only that you ordinary folk will enjoy my words (although most of this will be well above your heads), but also that the idols will read my in-depth analyses and epiphanously realize in which direction they should take their careers. Because I know what they should do. Because I am an analyst.

Analysis ON!

Michael:

First up was a fellow named Michael. I had never heard of him before, but he seemed happy to be there. A little too happy, perhaps. Apparently, he likes country music, oil rigging, and eating. In my expert opinion, he should stick with that. Well, maybe not so much the eating part. He's going to be a big star if he follows my advice.

Megan:

Next was a girl named Megan. She had a warbley voice that was sort of interesting. I think she should sing more, and then she might get better. I really know what I'm talking about here! She was dressed up like a 1982 Barbie doll whose right arm your little brother popped off and replaced with a GI Joe Cobra arm. She is pretty though. I believe that if Megan continues to be pretty, it will serve her career.

Scott:

Third up was Scott. Scott sings, plays the piano, and is blind. A true triple threat. However, his singing is not yet as skillful as either his piano playing or his blindness. This should be worked on.

Lil:

Next up was a lovely lady who was apparently named after a snack cake. Lil Rounds sings hip hop style music, and has a voice that's a big as her butt. Hip hop is definitely her forte. For all of you thinking that Lil should go in the direction of Joni Mitchell, you are WRONG. I'm the expert here, and I say hip hop best suits her vocal range. Also, her large posterior is far too distracting for music that's primarily lyric-based.

Anoop:

Anoop was next. He emerged from a digital rainstorm that at once sparked my thirst and filled me with me a wild urge to urinate. Good job with that one. I guess Anoop sang "You Were Always on my Mind". His memory seems to be better than mine, because I can't remember him at all. The only thing on my mind was sucking down a plastic packed Bud Light while standing in line for the ladies room. If I were Anoop, I'd work on getting better graphics. Maybe something involving fuzzy bunnies. Because everyone likes bunnies...and looking at them only rarely makes people have to pee.

Matt:

Then it was Matt. Matt sings and plays the piano. Sometimes at the same time. His piano playing is excellent, and he sings very well. However, Matt is not blind at all. This should be worked on.

GROUP NUMBER:

Finally, to close the first half, there was a group number featuring the bottom 6 and enough wildly clashing vocal styles to incite a seizure in even the most remissive of epileptics. My expert advice is that these people not start a band together.

Intermission:

Daughtry was not surprised. David Cook walked backwards. Carrie Underwood had nice teeth. Over and over again. I wanted to take a Louisville Slugger to both jumbotrons.

Allison:

After a long wait, the next contestant up was a small immigrant child named Allison. Plucked from nomadic obscurity off of a chicken truck in Mexico, Allison is a true find. Though she is only 7 years old, Allison sang Janis Joplin with the soul of a boozed-up, emphysema-riddled, brittle-hearted 45 year old. And I mean this in the best way possible. Though her singing is phenomenal, I believe that Allison's best shot at fame lies in her youth. She should not get older. If she doesn't listen to my important insider advice, she might fail. Or get old. Or both.

Danny:

Danny Gokey was up next. On the show, Danny wore glasses. He also wore glasses in person. He also sang like he'd just chewed and swallowed a pair of glasses. I guess glasses are his shtick. Well, glasses and a patented combination of hip thrusting and morality preaching. What's great about Danny is how seamlessly he alternates between clumsy "I want to do you" songs and clumsy "I wish you weren't dead" songs. That takes a lot of talent and/or schizophrenia. Personally, I can't tell which style is creepier, so I will (expertly) flip a coin and tell Danny to...get into modeling. Wait, that wasn't one of the options. This damn coin keeps making me look bad.

Adam:

Next on was a creature called Adam Lambert. He's a tall and shiny and slippery being who boasts a molecular structure similar to that of iridescent eyeshadow. I think he might sing well, but I couldn't hear him over the sound of the audience's heads collectively exploding in excitement. (I do not envy the clean-up crew). Adam cavorted around the stage, wriggling, writhing and brazenly invading the microphone stand's personal space to the point where it may need therapy later in life. However, at one point, the red-haired immigrant child came out to join him, and Adam tastefully pointed his junk away from her when thrusting. He is truly a gentleman.

I cannot say enough positive things about this man. He is phenomenal. Everything about him is amazing. Especially his feet. His feet are going to change the way we listen to music!! Oh, and the way he sings too. My expert advice to Adam is to keep singing well, and to sing songs that people like. He should also sing songs in a style people like. I know this advice sounds a little wacky, but my years of experience in the field tells me that my hunch here is spot on.

Kris:

Winner Kris Allen got much less applause than did runner-up Adam Lambert. This didn't have anything to do with people liking Adam better, though. It was only because half the audience had died from spontaneous combustion during Adam's set. Though, since Kris' act went by without a single death, or even a heart-stopping close call, I guess it's safe to assume that people did like Adam more.

The thing is, have you ever eaten a can of Spaghetti O's and meatballs? Of course you have. And when doing so, have you ever painstakingly eaten around the meatballs so you could save them for last, as they are the most awesome part? And after savoring every meatball, do you sometimes find two or three lone O's stuck to the bottom of the bowl? And you eat them, but it just isn't the same after those meatballs??

That's what watching Kris close the show is like. He is also short. These are the two main issues standing between Kris and stardom. He should work on these, though I'm not sure which problem will be easier to rectify.

Finale:

All of the contestants came out to sing one last time. What was left of the audience cheered and waved, then promptly forgot the names of every contestant but Adam, and maybe Kris, and possibly Danny, who's name they remembered by accident, as it is a very common one. Now, while the audience's minds are soft and impressionable, is the time for the idols to make their marks.

So I will close with my last golden nugget of advice. Heed it well! Idols, with hard work and a little luck (or a whole lot of luck in some cases...you know who you are), you can all be beeg eh-stars. Or at least the stars of your local Futons and More grand opening event. Hey, it's still better than the oil rig.

beef.

2007-04-16T01:24:00.000-06:00

that's all you need to know really.

would you like to buy some paper towles? that's right...i said towles

2005-04-04T12:04:00.000-06:00

So i've decided to quell all attempts at properly spelling words. it always seemed to be quite the futile effort anyway, as i have absolutely no knowledge of the english language (you know, what with me being born in Yugoslavia and all). in any case, this is not the direct reason behind my newfound misspelling edict, nosireebob. the real reason is....correct spellings are SO passe. i mean really, everyone uses them nowadays, particularly considering the recent, nigh space-aged advancements in digital spell-check technology. Good spelling used to be a novelty- something properly utilized only by doctors, philosophers and, you know, nerds. but now, now! there's no freshness left in this act, in this one-time artform. alas, the arrangement of letters in the proper order, dictated by the rules of the language known to the French as Anglais...has become terribly obsolete. pedestrian even. oh how it pains me to admit, but admit i must.

sooo..here we are, now at the brink of my burgeoning revolution. no longer shall the written word lull readers to sleep with its mind-numbing accuracy!! we shall revolt! er...revelt? revolte? revollt even? ah well, that's the beauty of the misspelling culture-there exists endless possibilities. its just a plethora of imprecision, a veritable buffet of inexactness. that's right, all you can eat, only 5.99 plus tax. oh, i should probably mention that drinks aren't included in the buffet pricing, but hey, who needs fluids anyway?

ah what's that rumbling i hear? why its the sweet sound of stomachs growling with the hunger for revolution!!

uh...revellootion? whatever.

cheese...

2005-03-27T00:20:00.000-06:00

cheese.

that will be all.

thank you, and have a fine evening.

would you care for some fruitcake with your mold?

2005-03-25T22:17:00.000-06:00

once upon a time, when ol’ monkeytron was merely a wee lass, there was a holiday “party” held at her middle school. you know, the sort of event where all the kids sit at their desks, place some sort of food on their festively decorated napkins...and play hangman. or 7up. or they toss around a koosh ball. ahh koosh, how i miss your utterly squiggly neon strands. but i digress.

monkeytron’s teacher informed the little kiddies that she’d brought in a special treat for all to enjoy. and it was the quintessential holiday festive food. thats right folks, teach hauled a whopping brick of fruitcake to school. imagine our elation when we, innocent creatures that we were, first set eyes on the massive hunk of dough and multicolored fruit chunks. why, we couldnt wait to bite off a piece of that ol’ holiday goodness. however, the euphoria died down as the wee ones examined the slices of “cake” that had been dolled out. upon inspection, it became apparent that the fruitcake was indeed covered with mold.

yeah you heard me. teach gave us lads & lasses individually-sized slabs of mold-enveloped fruitcake. woohoo. the children wisely decided to speak up, voicing their concerns over the overly penicillin-rich cake. when confronted, the wise, astute teacher replied with the following statement: “fruitcake is supposed to be moldy”.

not so wisely, us kiddos decided to heed the words of our beloved professor. reluctantly sampling the green-tinted slices that rested on our holiday napkins, we seemed to be immediately, and collectively, struck by the poor taste. in fact, it was downright nauseating...but i will spare you further details on the subject. i will simply say that the rest of the day was spent making periodical trips to the drinking fountain. in fact, so many of the little children felt the need to continuously wash out their mouths that ol’ teach had to make a sign-up sheet for fountain visits, so as to not obstruct the hallway.

in summation, i will leave you with these wise, yoda-esque words that all would be well advised to regard:

teachers you should never trust when moldy is the fruitcake.

happy holidays folks.

bite me.

2005-03-21T23:43:00.000-06:00

so here i am, back after a mere 2 days departure. are you surprised? because you shouldn't be...i represent the pinnacle of dedication. the height of pure devotion, if you will. and if you won't, well then you can bite me.

i feel that in the time prior to my little 8 month "freedom break" (yes, thats what ive taken to calling it now...deal with it), i became far too involved with you all. indeed, the degree of sheer closeness that we experienced was downright frightening. of course i got scared! how couldn't i have? it was all moving so fast, i needed time to breathe, to sort out my issues. ME-TIME even. because its all about MONKEYTRON here. so youd best be respecting my needs. muhahaha.

my goodness, how unseemly. in any case, all of that has been sorted out with the help of the psychiatrist wondertwins, Bernice BonWilly and Béarnaise BonWilly. Fun, ne?

anyhoo, on to more relevant matters. upon recollection, i feel that my return post was rather abysmal. indeed, the bulk of this lurvely orange blog is comprised of worthless nonsense. but that last one, gah. it crossed the border into Lameville, without a passport. how hardcore is that? at least my other posts had the courtesy to provide legal documentation when entering the territory o'Lame. that last one...its a rebel. without a cause.

now, you might all be wondering "what in the name of Bald Danny is that lass talking about?". and the answer is...(drumroll please)...who the hell knows.

HA, i got ya there! now what have we learned from this experience, children? never visit the circus of wonder expecting to find rationality? that is correct. lucidity is not on the menu here. of course, one probably shouldnt come here expecting wonderment either, nor a circus for that matter. but thats beyond the point.

so i think i'll just stop typing now. (don't look so happy about it)

a classic story to celebrate my return

2005-03-20T02:53:00.000-06:00

there once was a woman named Franetta Franella.
she was very old (120+) and yet still strangely active.
she owned a small boy named Ianurtle Rothwilly.
this boy did Franetta's grocery shopping, and showed her guests around town.
one day, Harry Pinter and HPM met with Franetta.
Harry wore a lovely sweater with the expression "WORDS!" embroidered into it.
HPM wore plaid riding pants, a bow tie, a fez and a matching plaid eyepatch.
Franetta became bored with Harry's incessant use of the word 'intellectual', which he pronounced 'intellectoooole'.
Franetta ordered Ianurtle to show the man and monkey what the town of Heldengerble had to offer.
they all climbed on a 3-seat tricycle, and were off.somehow, they ended up at the drive-thru church on highway 765.
here, the famous actress Maggie Smith (TM) was performing her song "i am a broad", from the hit musical entitled "Monkey: Geoffrey Palmer Gets Hit by a Bus."
when she finished, Judi Dench came out, and began delivering a eulogy for Harry Pinter.
Ianurtle turned to Harry.
"i thought you were alive" Ianurtle said.
"i guess not" said Harry.
Ianurtle turned to HPM, who shrugged his monkey-shoulders.
here is an excerpt from the eulogy:
Harry Pinter was not a wise man. Harry Pinter was not a kind man. But Harry Pinter WAS a wordy man. Yes, Harry Pinter was nothing if not verbose, and if not verbose, he was nothing. WORDS EVERYWHERE, WORDS.
this continued for a good 3 hour period.
during this time, Harry decided that he would speak up.
he wanted to mention something about possibly not being dead.
however, just as Harry was about to interrupt, Pierce Brosnan arrived.
he had a pink basket in his hand.the basket was labeled, "stuff for people who liked and/or didnt actively hate Harry Pinter".
the basket was full of peanut butter cups.
suddenly, Harry sat back down.
"i thought you were going to mention being alive and all" said Ianurtle.
"screw it..." said Harry,"
...i like peanut butter cups".
THE END.

broken promises

2005-03-20T00:50:00.000-06:00

uhhhh........

what a stunning way to announce my comeback. Indeed, nothing beats a big, noncommittal "uhhh" when one is first attempting to explain away an absence of over 8 months. actually, i fear i may be mistaken on that point, as the following seems far more suited to the task:

uhhhh........yeah.

as you can see, the "yeah" adds a much needed sense of closure to the original statement. so lets go with that one. or at least say that we did.

in any case, there is a perfectly valid excuse as to why i suddenly abandoned all of my dutiful fans. and that excuse is....i got abducted by aliens. yep. you heard me. the ol' monkeytron has seen what others have only theorized, and gone where those weak of conviction would surely fear to tread. oh, and they were scary Charlton Heston aliens too, so that makes my adventure even more harrowing. because really, who would want to come face to face with a gun-toting, alien Cheston?

of course, i should mention that the whole "alien-abduction" fiasco only took up about two weeks of my time. The rest of my little respite was occupied by sifting through the hordes of fan letters i received, all of which were lamenting my absence. begs and pleas for my return filled up my mailboxes, both online and off. and i took it upon myself to respond to each letter personally. Thats right, every one of my fans received a note handwritten by my secretary, and a glossy 8'x10' photo of my head. and no, i didn't mean to write 8"x10". screw inches, i'm talking feet here! my devotees deserve the very best, because they are the very best. awww

now, i could be wrong, but my Madame Cleo supersenses are intuiting some disbelief in the audience. i swear, every bit of my story exhibits a height of precise accurateness rarely found in cyberspace. well, except for the whole "abducted-by-aliens" spiel. that i made up. but the fanmail thats all true!! for reference, here is an e-mail sent to me by one of my followers. please note that i have never met this person before:

Dear Monkeytron,
hi, my name is uh...monkeytroff (i'm russian..yeah that's it).
i think you are SO AWESOME that i can hardly stand it.
since youve been gone, i have veritably LOST THE WILL TO LIVE,
only not literally, because that would be a total downer.
in any case, monkeytron, you are the single greatest entity to grace this earth
in the entire history of man.
Sincerely,
Monkeytroff (who is of no relation to you, in any manner).

so just to reiterate...that was an actual letter from a true blue fan. its certainly not something that i wrote myself, just now. noooooo no no no. that would be dissolute, and mildly insane. and as we all know, i strive to be more than just "insane". no, monkeytron prefers the far less pedestrian moniker of "frikin nuts". ahh, endeavoring to be the best in your field is so fulfilling.

anyhoo...i'm sure youre all wondering what the lovely miss M. has been up to during the hiatus. i promise to fill you in fully at a later point (and by "later" i mean never), but tonight i'm going to give you a little taste test of what's in store. a teaser trailer, if you will. or a Whitman's sampler. or one of those cold cut trays they serve at parties...you know, the expensive ones featuring cheese cubes and a parsley garnish.

so, the main news is that i've renamed myself both "Biff" and "Pepperidge Farms". however, seeing as how i have retained blog-anonymity with regards to my real name, this news should scarcely be of interest to you. additionally, i have fashioned an entire yahoo newsgroup about bread. its got bread stories, bread fanart, bread polls, and 12 whole members. yeehaw. i also added more scenes to my famed musical "Monkey: Geoffrey Palmer gets hit by a Bus", and umm...i got abducted by aliens. wait, i tried that one already? damnit.

in any case, i shal leave you with the profound words of a certain Ms. P. Farms:
"he who combs his beard up and over shall henceforth be known as Yettian".

goodnight all (and by all I mean me...as i'm the only one who reads this wank...muhaha)

yeah its been awhile...deal with it

2004-07-10T01:05:00.000-06:00

so yeah. in case you haven't noticed, im back. back with a VENGEANCE..or, u know, not. whatever.
anyhoo, hopefully this time i shall actually keep my promises and return on a regular basis to my beloved orange blog.

oh btw...ive come to the conclusion that its better if i just ignore the fact that ive been gone so long. ill pretend it never happened, and youd be well advised to do the same. explaining where ive been and what ive been doing would be boring, redundant and ultimately impossible, seeing as how i can barely remember yesterday let alone 3 months ago. yes its true, the ol monkeytron is getting senile. so sad, so tragic. and it seems that in my senility, ive forgotten to check the clock. suddenly its 4am and i really had no clue. oh dearie me.

in any case, it feels good to be back.
night kiddos.

HOLY GOD

2004-05-24T22:59:00.000-06:00

so now its almost the end of may...

DAMNIT!!!

best quote of the day

2004-05-03T21:21:00.000-06:00

"i need to make a sign that says 'jesus does the speed limit' "

holy god...when did it become may??

2004-05-03T10:51:00.000-06:00

uhh so my records seem to indicate that the last time i posted here was in april. and now its may.
more specifically, i posted on april 16th! wow, that was AGES ago. ha. im a naughty little blogger...or, non-blogger to be more precise.

sooo...tell me, how have you all been doing?? and by "all", i am of course referring to myself, as i am the only one who reads this trash. so to answer my own question, i have been superliscious. superlisciously BUSY that is. (see how i just switched that around!? im all about the unexpected, hooyah).
In any case, finals week quickly approaches those of us at ***** university. i strategically removed the name of my college to avoid unwanted attention from the stalker population. i know, im very stealth. its whats kept me alive throughout my many perilous adventures as The Miscellanious Monkey. oh wait, thats supposed to be my dark and secret crime-fighting alter-ego. youre not sposed to know that im her. so forget i said anything. or better yet: TWILIGHT MONKEY SPRINGING PING-PONG MIND-ERASE ACTION!

...did it work?

ahhhh nonsensical battle cries. who doesnt lurve them?
if any of you have seen BAOH...well then, i feel sorry for you. (my apologies to the baoh fans...wait, do baoh fans even exist?! yeek) however, through watching 50 minutes of utter crap you have also been subject to some of the worst/best nonsensical battle cries of ALL TIME. BAOH SHOOTING BEES-STINGERS PHENOMENON!!!! and who can forget, BAOH LISKINI HARDEN SABER PHENOMENON!!!!! ahhh so delightfully cheesy, so serenely irrational.

oops g2g!! argh

as time goes by...

2004-04-16T08:11:00.000-06:00

wow how long has it been since ive posted anything of length...ahh memories..

im ready to get back in the swing o'things.

...but not right now.

muhaha at the moment, i am being terribly evil and talking to you folks when i should be working on my DEBATE. haha just like a proper nerd, im on a debate team...

boys und girls they cant reseeest the treat known as DER SVEEDISH FEESH

like that? i knew you would. see ya later folks.

crapola

2004-04-13T18:09:00.000-06:00

im going crazy!!!!!!!!!!

its now official folks...monkeytron is INSANE

MUHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHERNE

fnaahh whatever.

yeah i'm sane...

2004-04-11T12:15:00.000-06:00

...sane like a FOX!

muhaha.

its not a friday night, and im not on this blog...we're all just hallucinating...

2004-04-09T21:28:00.000-06:00

yeah so im back again.
i keep taking these mini-breaks from this blog. i like to call them 'sanity days', but you should feel under no obligation to do the same.

i am painfully aware of how much you all miss me when im absent. however, think for a second about the mammoth effort i put in for you, my devotees. i just keep on giving, but what do i get in return? where is the deluge of fanmail, the kind words of encouragement? nowhere to be found! the only thing here is the substantial amount of witty banter that i am constantly bestowing upon you all. ok, ok..."witty" might be a stretch, but surely its at least mildly humorous....faintly amusing? no? ergh, cant you at least send me something out of pity then? ill take it!!
..i mean, or whatever. its not like im desperate or anything *coughs*

muhaha. pushing all that under the rug for now, i have been made aware of yet another blog reader. thats right folks, the tally is up to 4. FOUR. yeah, how many people can claim that? or even better yet, how many could make that claim proudly, without embarassment? yes sir, i am a rarity in this world. part of a dying breed.

now for a little tidbit about my evening (notice how i strategically include very little actual info about myself, or my life. that takes talent u know). In any case, tonight i went to see a film for the first time in ages, although my viewing experience came precariouly close to being ruined by a substandard audience. we've all experienced the normal theatrical annoyances; but those have evolved into just another part of the overall moviegoing experience. however, the incessant chit chating, in outdoor voices no less, still irks me. tonight is was coooonnnssstaaant. so much so that i felt compelled to write the word 'constant' in that lame, multiple lettered way. and thats sad. so, so sad.

the worst had to be this gentleman to the back of me, who felt obligated to explain every even remotely abstract concept of the film to his wife. "see, the film is meant to be seen through the point of view of the daughter." wow, thank goodness he explained that one, because im sure she couldnt have figured it out based on that character's constant VOICE OVER NARRATION. Fn-aah.

hey...wow!! that was my first rant on this thing. did i sound ferociously evil? muhaha. actually, im generally very understanding of things, but even i am allowed to be annoyed now and then, right? RIGHT?

ah, who cares anyway. my name is monkeytron, and u know what that means? it means i can do whatever i like on this blog, so just deal with it.

goodnight, you princes of blogger, you kings of the internet.

there once was a girl named monkeytron, who...wait what rhymes with 'monkeytron'?

2004-04-06T19:21:00.000-06:00

why are my posts always short?
id be tempted to describe them as chronically, NOTORIOUSLY short. is it just that i have nothing of value to say? no, thats never stopped me before...conceivably i am simply not experiencing the correct level of intimacy with you all. perhaps someday i'll feel comfortable sharing my innermost thoughts and dreams with you. aww, GROUP HUG!

actually, im not concerned in the least. i just enjoy going all 'dr. phil' on your ass. its my little way of shakin things up, throwin y'all off guard. shake n' bake baby! hoo yeah.
I dont believe i just said "y'all". even if it was in jest, i am ferociously ashamed.

so on with the post, which needs to be long enough to prove that i do not have a short attention span. but the again, why screw with tradition? if it aint broke dont fix it. dont cry over spilt milk. a bird in the hand....ok, now im just trying to cover up my laziness by throwing around old proverbs, (in a confetti-tossing fashion).

agghhh i told you i felt strange today. why didnt you believe me? WHY OH WHY?
i think the time change has caused some alteration in my system, resulting in fatigue related insanity. yep. thats my excuse for now at least. oh yeah, i should mention that just today i discovered that (barring rain delay) easter is scheduled for this sunday. and here i was still wishing people a merry x-mas. why didnt anyone here tell me? you sly devils you.

so i think this post needs to end. thats my executive decision. im putting a stop to this flagrant display of utter randomness. of course, the only way to accomplish this is by creating the most illogical statement of all:

HOLY MILLARD FILLMORE, BATMAN! SHBANG!

ahh, i needed that....

im here, im weird, get used to it.

2004-04-06T08:55:00.000-06:00

ahhhhhhhhh today i feel very odd. im tempted to call it nervousness, though i have no real justification for it. maybe my psychic powers are predicting some terrible fate. the future is unstable, destiny is in my hands. whats that lassie? timmy's stuck in the well??

or maybe im just tired. who can tell anymore? clairvoyance, exhaustion, its all the same to me.

so back to the relative normality that is my everyday life. what do you mean thats boring? what do you know about my life? maybe all of this in an elaborate ruse to distract you from my true identity.
thats right i am a superhero.
mistress of the night, dark defender of virtue.
I am The Miscellaneous Monkey.

so there.
who's boring now suckas??

advice from Dr. Monkeytron, love doctor

2004-04-05T19:32:00.000-06:00

failing in romance? try this fancy pickup line. its sure to please.

do you have overdue library books? because youve got FINE written all over you.

hope this helps.
Dr. M, phd

IM BACK! ...and u all thought i was dead....

2004-04-05T10:14:00.000-06:00

MUHAHAHA
you thought that i had given up on yet another blog. i know you did! but here i am, in the flesh (in the font?), to prove all you nay sayers wrong.
no, i haven't abandoned my followers, my fans or my blog. this darn blog. why, it seems that ive even grown accustomed to its layout! it almost makes the day begin, i was serenely independent and content before we met, surely i could always be that way again and yet, ive grown accustomed to the orange, accustomed to the font,
accustomed to its layout *cue sobbing audience*

ok so, it seems i just did some sort of pastiche of my fair lady...im not even a fan of the movie, or audrey hepburn's non-singing (her songs were dubbed u know. i told that to some guy on icq once, and it CRUSHED HIS WORLD. no lie. thats sad in so many ways, isnt it?) so i guess ive just proven to you all what a monstrous nerd i am. oh well, u can all bite me if u dont like it.

on a happier and somewhat less nerdy note, while the blog was in utter disarray when i left, i have fixed it. its lurvely again (as lurvely as bright orange and white can be. it looks like an intensely unappetizing creamsicle. oh hey! im back to hating my layout. ahh i feel like my old self again). on a completely random note, i just looked the word 'nerd' up in the thesaurus. it lists 'geek' (ok, i can see that), 'bore' (hey now, thats not nice), and....DRIP!? wow, i take that as a personal affront. see if i ever use that bastard thesaurus again. (course, i never really did anyway, but thats not the point).

ok yes i swore again SORRY. cover your ears (eyes) next time kiddies. we know that my site is all the rage with the youth of america, and we certainly dont want them corrupted by mild profanity now do we? haha thats just a joke. we all know my blog isnt popular with anyone. except for me that is.
(which incidentally makes my constant use of the pronoun 'we' very freakish indeed)...

well anyway, i actually have proof that three people, other than myself, have visited and read my blog. THREE. 3. Trois. Tres. HELL YEAH! you like me you really like me! id like to thank all the little people that made this possible. you know who you are! thank you!

oh wank...its time for class already, and i havent even said a word about anything i did during my hiatus! (not that you care, but it makes me feel like ive put some effort into this stupid thing)...

well, another day, another time, another herne...

(Ã‚Â¡VIVA EL NERDPOWER)

Ginger...u know, the color, not the bread. mmm, bread..

2004-04-01T10:11:00.003-06:00

so im in the library. the bookshelves here are a lurvely shade of pumpkin.
im eating an orange. theyre chock full of vitamin C and vitamin W. (that's vitamin WILLY in laymens terms. hell yeah.) Im trying to eat it in a very stealth fashion. not because i think food isnt allowed in here, because its just more fun that way.
once i post this entry, ill get to take a peek at my actual blog, which funnily enough, is currently a very irritating shade of carrot.

i seem to be noticing a rather unsettling trend...

(ORANGE. fnah.)

"life is short, but ian is shorter"

2004-03-31T20:44:00.000-06:00

so it seems that ive yet to have written anything of value on here today. considering the low standards of this blog, thats downright depressing.

today was another fairly ordinary day. oh, except that the package i was sent really was a bomb, and i was forced to disable it using only a bobby pin and big helping of ingenuity.
nah, thats not really true. it was actually a SAFETY pin, not a bobby pin. muhaha.

well anyway, it was actually all my brochures and ribbon etc. for scholar's day. yes, i am partaking in the event by doing a lurvely presentation of the female/male cinematic gaze in modern political films. thats right everyone, the ol'monkeytron is an intellectual of sorts. hey, stop pretending to be shocked. it should really come as no surprise, i mean is this blog not shakespeare worthy? wait, don't answer that.
instead, Ill just answer for you. The truth (with absolutley no 'proof' to back it up) is that if the bard were alive today, in the age of technology, THIS would be the sort of erudite gold springing from his fingertips. hamlet? king lear? screw em. *points to the blog insanely* this is REAL art. MUHAHAH.

ahhhhh...where do i come up with this stuff? who knows. i'm thinking its imported daily from the netherlands, via jet plane, but i could be wrong. in any case, i have many more important things i could be doing right now, instead of chatting wih you folks. meaning, of course, LATE NITE HOMEWORK! woo.

i'll leave you with a lurvely little something special:

Monkey!
You are a cheeky Monkey.
We find you funny.

Monkey, Ninja, Pirate, Robot?
brought to you by Quizilla

goodnight, farewell, and have a pleasant herne.

molasses bars anyone?

2004-03-31T11:39:00.000-06:00

are they a dessert? a breakfast item?
...are they even edible?

well half the fun of it is finding out yourself silly! so go pick up a package of the overly dense "snack" that will leave you saying, 'what the hell did i just eat?'

available at all fine dining halls near you.

well then..

2004-03-31T11:22:00.000-06:00

so i got a slip in my mailbox today, telling me that there's a package there for someone named "Bridjet". That doesnt happen to be my name per se, but im guessing the parcel is for me, nonetheless.

i hope its not a bomb.

FNAHH

2004-03-30T19:55:00.000-06:00

lidhg,aj,kdhvngxd,bv,dxjbvgf,azshvgfkhdnak.h.Axhjbfvx ur!!!

yeah darnit!

i have a test tomorrow darnit

2004-03-30T15:55:00.000-06:00

...so i shouldn't be here. and yet here i am. Ahhh the world works in mysterious ways.

since i am here, i think i'll take off my coat and stay awhile. anyone care for an old llama brand breakfast sandwich? remember, i am here to serve YOU. thats the whole point of this establishment. this "circus of wonder" if u will. well, actually the point of this thing is for me to ramble on about my uninteresting life, all while pretending you care. but that doesnt sound as cheery as calling it a circus, now does it.

so anyway, today was a fine ol'day as fine ol'days go. kind of boring. Though come to think of it, i did manage to dye my entire left hand purple, AND i stabbed myself with a seam ripper. (all the sewing enthusiasts out there (meaning old ladies, craft moms and isaac mizrahi) now have a much lower opinion of me im sure. but, as i aways say, they can just bite me. honestly id rather they didnt, but i guess i'll take one for the team.)
on a cheerier note, i do have a rant about people who claim "a degree is a degree", but that can wait till later. im feeling too mellow for a rant right now (must be all the floyd in the background...yes, i like the floyd, and no i'm not "like 100 years old," nor am i anyone's grandfather, in case you were wondering). wow this has to be the most disjointed paragraph ive ever written. its grotesquely random. i guess the only thing to do now is make it worse: WHERE's THE BEEF?? ah, i've been itching to say that all day....

oh & here's a lurvely quote i extracted from one of my conversations today: "its ok having to pee during class, because at least it keeps me awake"...ah kids these days and their innovative study habits. oh and i suppose that i should apologize for using the "p" word on my page. such filth! innocent little children read this thing! i mean, dont they? no? but surely adults do...no? the old? NOT EVEN THE OLD??

so i guess its just me then. thats cool. woohoo! PARTAY
*sigh*

dont tell on me

2004-03-30T09:36:00.000-06:00

so i'm in the library right now...I'm supposed to be doing work, but look where i've ended up! at the 3 ring circus of nonsense.
I AM A REBEL! oh yeah.

i'm indecisive

2004-03-29T20:10:00.000-06:00

so you might notice that i've already changed the title of my blog. You may ask, why would you do such a thing?? to which i would reply that the new title is far better suited to the page's overall milieu.
but the truth is that i just felt like changing it. so ha. (and here you thought i actually had real motives for doing things....well i guess i showed you...muhahaha)
anyway, i also changed my username to Monkeytron. so now none of you will ever know my real name. that is, unless you beg.

so in any case, everyone should vote to decide which title is better...or not. i'm just trying to make things fun for you all. why? BECAUSE I CARE. thats why.

(i cant hear any begging yet...)

Tiny kei & yuri...

2004-03-29T12:09:00.000-06:00

this is just an html test...i repeat, this is just a test

2004-03-29T11:59:00.000-06:00

oh yeah, btw...
i should probably mention that though the name of this blog is "Son Willy's house of fun", my name is not really willy. and i'm not a son. I'm actually one of those female gendered persons. fun huh?

I'm also going to add that my username is NYERR_ERF.
I dont think anyone cares, but if i dont write it somewhere, I'll surely forget it...

back in the day, b4 i started making titles...

2004-03-29T11:46:00.000-06:00

uhh...
ok, hey there kids...this is about the 7th blog I've published here in the past year, but hopefully it will be the 1st to go beyond one entry...(no thats a lie, one of the earlier ones had two entries..) It seems that my problem was always with the whole "getting started" aspect of it. I dont particularly enjoy getting started, especially when it entails trying to change a very unattractive green layout into something pretty and pink. So this time I am foregoing the whole "split pea" layout, which has been a 'favorite' of mine in the past, for this lurvely white and orange thing *yawns* Yeah i know, its ugly and boring. Just deal with it for awhile. I'll fix it sooner or later (meaning later or possibly never lol) Bah, I dont even know who i'm telling this to, since I'm approx. 99.9% certain that NO ONE will read this thing. So it seems that im essentially talking to myself, which while being strange, is not entirely uncommon for me. That reminds me...I once had a friend who used to talk to herself as if she was being interviewed by oprah. That's pretty in depth, but it cant hold a candle to writing a whole blog to yourself. damn, i'm hardcore crazy.
never have i been so proud of myself *wipes away a tear*

FNAHH@! I swore i wouldnt write one of those lame introductory entries! and look what i did, ah well...